Anxiety.

Hey Everyone!

I had a completely different post in mind for today, but life happened. I woke up this morning, just like every morning. Took the baby from her bassinet to her bedroom and put her on the floor to play while DJ and I got ready for work. DJ left, I got myself and the baby ready and then my mom pick us up and took me to work. Then while sitting at my desk.. something happened.


All of a sudden my heart started RACING and I started shaking. Thankfully I knew what was going on. I was having an anxiety attack. Nothing happened to cause it to start at that moment, but there  it was.

My first anxiety attack happened back during my freshman year of high school. It happened during cheerleading try-outs. My mother, sister and I were all at our family therapists office and it was after hours and I needed to use the bathroom. The bathroom was in the main building just outside of the therapists  waiting room. So, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, the waiting room door was locked.

My mom was back with my sister so there was no one to let me back in. So I sat down on the floor outside and that's when everything got bad. The lights in the ceiling (which are stationary) were moving, like spotlights. The fire exit door at the end of the hall started opening and closing, from the hinge side. And then, a purple couch floated through a solid wall and into the hallway with me. I was completely terrified. when the waiting room door opened I just started crying. I didn't understand what had just happened.

Even though our therapist was getting ready to leave, she took us back into her office to talk and make sure that I was ok. We went home and my mom decided that I needed to be evaluated by a doctor. So we went to the emergency room. They took FOREVER! To the point where they drew my blood in the waiting room. Well when we finally went back, they tried to say that I had amphetamines in my system. Not possible. I'd never even taken a Tylenol from anyone and I had never taken on of my sister's Aderalls.

We're pretty sure they mixed my bloodwork up with another patient in the waiting room. Because that girl was clearly on something. I ended up being prescribed atavan to calm me and so i could sleep. I was taking a VERY high dose and was wide awake. My family wouldn't let me out of their sight. I had to sleep on the couch. They were extremely worried about me. I was worried about myself.

A slew of doctors visits and many miscellaneous prescriptions later it was determined that I have an anxiety disorder. It's been almost 12 years now and I still have major issues with my anxiety. Some days are better than others. Today. Today was a harder day. I had to call my mom and just sit on the phone with her for about 30 minutes. As the day went on I started to feel better. The elephant on my chest turned into a hippo and thankfully my heart stopped racing as fast.

Today's events have inspired me to talk more about my anxiety. So if you're interested, I will be talking more about it in the coming weeks. Also, if you have anxiety as well, know that you are NOT ALONE. Feel free to reach out to me. I'm always here to listen and help any way I can.

I hope you're all well.

Megan